I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
