I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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