sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
