the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
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