My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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