I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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