Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
