Old men and throwing up are my life now.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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