I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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