i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
