Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I don't deserve a penis
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
