forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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