hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
