if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
