my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
