The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
