y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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