Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
