...so i touched it.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
