Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
