zippers are such a cool invention
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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