I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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