Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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