ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
