I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
