Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
