hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
