I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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