i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
