Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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