Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
