So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
