Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
