I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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