So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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