I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
