allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
