just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
