the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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