Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I enjoy the company of your penis
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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