Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
