I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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