So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
