Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
