i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
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