I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
