I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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