just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
i've created a new STD.
I can't turn off my feet"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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