He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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