Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
one might say we're banned from that church
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
