Just took my morning after pill in the library
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
